“I believe that when I die I shall rot, and nothing of my ego will survive. I am not young and I love life. But I should scorn to shiver with terror at the thought of annihilation. Happiness is nonetheless true happiness because it must come to an end, nor do thought and love lose their value because they are not everlasting.” – Bertrand Russel
My mother, a philosopher, agnostic, and Russel adherent, would often say to me, “if the religious truly believed in an afterlife, they would be far less afraid of death than me.”
Death is an unchangeable part of the human condition and, therefore, a true subject of philosophy. And, as my favorite philosophy podcast tells me, we can include such figures as Zoroaster, the Buddha, Mohammed and Christ among the great philosophers of all time.
So whether you are agnostic, atheist, an adherent of any religion or anything else in between, it is a healthy practice to think about death.
All of us fear death. It is a necessary evolutionary fear. To confront that fear is a great exercise in courage. It is what makes many, for example soldiers, physically courageous. But this is the least of it. More than being physically fierce, the consideration of death gives one moral courage and a good outlook on life.
It is these virtues, courage and a good life outlook, that I have learned from dabbling in philosophy. After all, the goal of many philosophies is to guide us towards a good life.
Memento mori
Perhaps the most well-known exhortation towards a deep consideration of mortality is the story of how, whenever a general or emperor was accorded a triumphal procession through Rome, a slave was tasked to stand behind him and whisper, “memento mori.” Memento mori: remember you must die (or you are mortal).
For a culture largely influenced by Plato and his ideal of philosopher-kings, the Roman practice symbolized how much the contemplation of death brought virtue and wisdom. The emperor is reminded that at the height of his acclaim and powers he must remain humble. In the light of the equality of all before death, the emperor must remain compassionate and merciful.
These days, politics and entertainment give great opportunities for narcissists to thrive. This is indicative of the ugly underbelly of both fields. Another indicator is that I can hardly tell whether I am watching a bad movie, a political campaign or the workings of the government. Often it is the same cast of bad actors. Well, I suggest we emblazon in the entrances of Congress, the Senate, Malacañang: memento mori.
For those politicians who are building political dynasties believing that just because the person is of your blood, they are competent to hold high political office (think about it, how competent are you in the first place): memento mori.
Practical benefits
In this social media world where many of us are asked to see ourselves as a “brand”, where our Meta, Instagram, TikTok and X accounts allow us to share our innermost thoughts and silliest moments to the public daily — there is an incessant seduction towards narcissism. We need all the more to give ourselves humility.
Apart from the necessary balance to our egos that a contemplation of death gives us, there are practical benefits.
Older persons must acknowledge that they have entered a new developmental stage that requires as much effort on our part as a teenager does struggling to find a place in the world. The developmental tasks for seniors are different of course, one of them being dealing with our impending death. Whether we are healthy and vigorous, feeling the small but irritating aches and aggravations of aging, or seriously ill, we must confront the fact that we have likely lived longer years than those left to us.
Studies of the brains of seniors do show that it isn’t just about degenerating abilities. Rather, our abilities are different from those who have not had decades of life experience. For example we are given a capacity to be less egotistical. We are about to lose all that ego soon, right?
So here’s the practical side for us seniors.
Do you want to have the confidence and courage to be attractive for your age? Do you want the kind of sense that allows you to act and dress in ways that uphold your dignified attractiveness? Do you want to avoid becoming that yucky stereotype called the “dirty old man” or to use a non-sexist term, “nagmumurang kamatis”?
Face death then, and accept it. You are not a teenager. Their developmental task is to chase the perfect attractive partner of their age group, and strive for material success. We don’t need the the flashy cars, the perfect bod and revealing clothes. Unless we mean to signal to the world that at this late stage, we never quite achieved our teenage dreams.’
What else is a practical effect of facing death courageously? Proper estate planning. Let me do my bragging here. With regards to my material possessions, such as they are, their disposition after my death is in place. It will hopefully be automatic and seamless. My children will have nothing left to do except grieve. There will be no quarrels or squabbles or heavy taxes to pay. Hopefully I have ensured that their inheritance from me will increase their love for each other. Only the courage that comes from knowing I will die and preparing for it, allows me to work on this final gift to my children that will comfort them still after I have gone.
It will avoid for my children the utter bewilderment that adds to the stress of the final days and eventual demise of a loved one when the dying person’s wishes are not known and where his or her resources to meet expenses are not known. This is my final act of telling them that to the very end, I take responsibility for their well-being because I brought them into the world.
By the way, I have also made plans for my wake so that my friends may be comforted by things being done in a way that is true to the person they have called friend.
Of course estate planning isn’t just for the old. Even young people should write their living wills. Also, the acceptance that one’s demise is coming is key to lessen the suffering of those with life-threatening illnesses of any age group.
I am told by counselors that for both the moribund patient and their family, Filipino culture does not help because we refuse to talk about death. Being my mother’s child, I used to say quite flippantly, “when I die…”. This often led to expressions of perturbation by others, as if I had something impolite.
It is indeed a sensitive topic. I am not unafraid of death, hopefully just courageous about all that life brings. But sensitivity cannot be a reason for denial. I have witnessed families who never talked about it and therefore suffered both emotionally and practically due to the lack of preparation.
A toast to death
To talk about death and to accept it, is to lead a fuller life.
Here we go back to philosophy. Every moment is far more precious when we become aware of how fleeting and transient these moments are. Priorities change towards the things that will last: love and kindness over material possessions, power, and being “right”.
What is important to me is that this wonderful world, made even more beautiful by its imperfections, survives beyond me. This motivates me to fight for climate justice and to suffer the irritations of caring about our national politics and other social movements.
This undas, I shall sit and remember my parents for what they taught me about life, including the way one faces death. Then, having yet again found courage about my inevitable death, I will allow myself to partake of the fiesta Fiiipinos make of our holidays to remember the dead. Moralists and foreigners may find such a lack of sobriety strange. But I think it is a good beginning for a culture that needs to grow more open to death.
Life? Death? Both okay. Same, same. Let’s drink to our ancestors! – Rappler.com